OXFORD — Citing newly discovered evidence and a reinterpretation of some of the earliest available Hebrew texts, leading biblical scholars now believe Noah made over 977 trips to Home Depot during the ark's construction. Though not explicitly described in the original Genesis account, scholars agree that it is all but a foregone conclusion that a construction project of such a scale would inevitably result in an astronomical number of trips to Home Depot, regardless of how skilled Noah and his sons may have been as builders. :Babylon Bee
