yes I agree. And the law is written in a way that should be taken into account. But the longer the relationship the more the value of that is diminished. and that’s not gender based - it is interpreted similarly - or meant to be whoever is/was the financial earner/asset holder. I think some people just feel entitled though no matter what contribution they have or have not made
I think there are two issues that are challenges - property division itself and what fairness really is (because each party has different views on that. Justice is whatever it is and whatever the judge thinks it is )
then there is a quite separate issue of abuse or violence. Only occasionally do the too get entwined and barely ever over all the years has that been notably successful (Kennon case)
I think physical violence - it is probably pretty clear what that is. So it’s the emotional abuse people argue over. And there the divide exists what men think and experience as abuse is seldom going to be the same as what women experience as abuse. Triggers, behaviours, expression, expectations. They all shape it. where emotional and physical abuse intersect is how anger and frustration manifest themselves.
that’s where the understanding is so lacking. And it is the latter that sees men blame women for the violence -“look what you made me do” it is this aspect of violence and abuse that is clearly gender based. And as long as men do the “not all men” or women are abusive too thing in response we don’t tackle the physical aspect. Maybe if we could acknowledge the inappropriate and extreme response to emotions that leads to physical violence and death we’d have a hope of addressing the otter kind. (And btw I am aware some women hit men and men allow it because they keep control knowing if they lashed out it would not be good. When I spoke to male friends after my own experience many spoke openly about their own. That made for good conversations that gave both of us deeper understanding)
we are all shaped by our understanding and experience on this matter as well. It’s understandable because all of us are emotionally impacted by it, and financially. I think we do have to find ways of letting go but I don’t think you ever forget.
