Welcome to HCTV! After the recent release of private phone conversations between the secretive HotCopper cranker team, we put aside any personal pettiness, and present a gritty fly on the wall documentary. Behind The Laughter
"Idolized where ever they go, the HotCopper cranker team has been exposed this week after phone taps were released to the public. For the first time, we get sworn testimony from those involved, and open up the seedy underbelly of the crankering world. Your reporter is G J Blogs"
Truly Scrumptious, BiggDaddy's secretary of 5 years TS...Things were great for 2 years, then everything changed. GJB...Can you pinpoint a specific time when things turned? TS...BiggDaddy went on holidays, then all hell broke loose.
GJB...BiggDaddy born Reginald Kenneth Dwight in 1965, dreamed of one day overcoming the debillitating disease prevalent in his family, Blueberry syndrome, which caused the skin to display a purplish hue. His sister Violet suffered terribly.
GJB...After building a successful cranker empire, Reg decided to go on vacation in 2011, and needed cover. He drafted in 3 newcomers to the cranking world, a decision he would later come to regret. One of those hired, Robert Percy Dylan picks up the story.
RPD...My handle was Pisces, and I was pleased to offer Reg a hand while he was away. Myself and a buddy known as CEBonomics (name withheld), looked upon it as a honour, and did our best. But that wasn't enough for Cletus, he just kept pushing us. GJB...Cletus? RPD...Yes Cletus Yokel, you probably know him as Disco Stu. He was constantly on our case to perform, and when thumbs started to drop, we noticed a marked change in his behaviour. We couldn't take it anymore and resigned our commissions.
CY...I was glad they were gone, they were better than me... I was sick of getting beaten by the LYC thumb count. That's when I decided to seek professional help. GJB...You mean try performing enhancing drugs? CY...I just wanted to win
GJB...Frank Furter whose handle was Zia, was hired to fill in, and tells us first hand what happened next... FF...I was young and naive, Cletus tried to crack onto me until I told him I was a bloke. It was a heady time. GJB...When did you first see Cletus doping? FF...It was early this year, I was setting up for a cranker, and he just pulled out a bottle of bourbon. He told me to take a swig, it would help me loosen up. I was both nervous and disgusted. That's when Cletus started rattling off all the enhancers he was taking, alcohol, laughing gas, sugar pills, caffeine, I was shocked. I just left and didn't look back.
RKD...I was too busy to notice, I was focusing on my other business venture. Competitors and I were having a price war.
RKD...I thought an older influence would be calming for Cletus, so I brought in Marion Morrison and gave him the pseudonym of Jeeps. I was hoping that would be the end of it.
MM...The young whippersnapper had spunk, I liked that, I offered to buy him dinner. But that all changed when I caught him re-infusing alcohol into his system before a big cranker. I've held my tongue as I'm still contracted, but it affected me in a personal way. Such a waste. The demands placed on professional crankerers these days are immense.
GJB...Newest recruit....Georgiou Papadopolous who goes by the name of Costa, was philosophical about the future... GP...Look Cletus may be not everyone's cup of tea. I once caught him snorting sugar in a toilet cubicle before a performance. We've had our run-ins, he's bombarded me with needless jokes regarding camels...but I'm confident he's now writing clean and we can grow from here.
GJB...The last word comes from the founder of Cranker Inc...Reg Dwight RKD...2 with onions and cheese, one plain and one with mustard....coming up!
===================================
This documentary was proudly brought to you by the RTA.
Market Update Overseas markets finished considerably lower on Friday, giving creedence to those who have spouted that this could be a top. SPI futures sit at -45, more than 1% down. Here's a summary of the weeks data courtesy of Business Spectator. "The week ahead brings a suite of important economic indicators, headlined by the release of consumer inflation data for the September quarter. Elsewhere locally, skilled vacancies data is due, while United States gross domestic product data is set for release overseas. The US Federal Reserve’s October policy meeting is also awaited, along with third quarter GDP data in the United Kingdom. In company news, the October annual general meeting season really heats up. Big names meeting shareholders this week include Treasury Wine Estates, Billabong International, Fairfax Media, Echo Entertainment, Newcrest and Toll Holdings. Elsewhere, ANZ Banking Group and Macquarie Group will reveal earnings results."
(20min delay)