I think we shall now see what his real views are on whether people ask for DV. It is actually an enormously helpful in life, I guess, if you avoid introspection and are prone to cognitive bias.
I know the facts of my life and my relationship and so did everyone of my neighbours, friends and family who observed it since I never spoke about it till it was over. So did many of his friends who told me about behaviour they had witnessed before I was ever on the scene. It has been instructive to meet another ex partner. Similar patterns but different circumstances and we are most likely a similar type. Before that forcing an earlier partner into an unwanted three way relationship. Being in a relationship with someone who is capable of extreme emotional with physical violence when they feel things aren’t going their way alters one’s tolerance level.
Being in a relationship with someone who is somewhat prone to projection and has no ability to self reflect or own their own patterns is destabilising. It is also enormously liberating to be free of that. I’d suggest that if we presented myself and my partner to the local community now they wouldn’t stand on his side
so
@Bananabender1 can believe whatever he likes but it doesn’t make him right. He can cosy up to a bully and think that’s ok but it doesn’t make it right. He can spout on all he likes about how rational he is, how he supported Brittany and then act as he is now. It doesn’t make him right
my observation is that many of those who adamantly adopt positions of tolerance are tolerant only when not challenged by others. They do like victims - must make them feel grown up or something. They like causes. They like their own opinions
my constant mistakes in the past have been simultaneously to think I have the right to have a voice over matters directly affecting me and to have a tendency to want to see the best in people and ignore the worst. Until the worst becomes disabling for people or myself. And I guess that plays out on hotcopper with the consequence that some are quite likely to think I asked for it. However I have always self reflected. Can always see my own part in things. Have a well developed sense of shame despite not being brought up as a Catholic for whom guilt is a way of life. I am aware of my failings and that which I am competent at.
I’ve never really quite understood why so many men think that when a woman argues with them it becomes defined as being controlling. Can someone explain?
