how do i quit stock trading/gambling?

I consider myself to be very prudent, conservative and economically savvy (i.e. penny-pincher). I had accumulated significant savings and felt I could manage my savings more wisely. I believed before that stocks were best left to the experts, who knew the ins and outs of companies and the economy notwitshstanding all my study of economics and finance. I was aware that in the long-run you make money on stocks, but in the short term it is a casino. A co-workrer convinced me that it was not a casino, because in a casino the odds are stacked against you. In the stock market however with a bit of technical analysis and fundamental analysis knowledge, you can turn the odds in your favor and beat the market. Theoretically this made sense. Unfortunately for me, I bought her argument.

So I made my first stock investment in 2008 during the deep throes of the GFC. Initially I intended to hold my stocks as investments. I only held blue chip stocks I might add. I quickly found out that I was unable to hold paper losses. I knew in the long-run the stocks would recover but the pain of short-term losses and the prospect of further losses was too much. So emotionally it got to me. I sold my stocks and copped a loss. Remember this was when 1-3% moves in blue chip stocks were not uncommon and there was a lot of yoyo-ing. However the pain of loosing was too great and I tried to make up for the loss by buying the stock back, mostly at a lower price. I became a trader. Then in the deepest dark days, I capitulated and sold everything. 10k loss. Manageable. The most I was able to stay away from the markets was 2-3 weeks max. Then the media, and folks talking stocks got to me and I just had to check it out. What followed was the biggest rally in stocks. Stocks I sold doubled and some trebled. I capitulated and got back into the market. May I add that I read many, many books on technical analysis and fundamental analysis. P/E ratios, liquidity ratios, interest cover, symmetrical triangles, cup and handle, shooting star, hammers, volume spread analysis, Gann, Fibs, etc, you name it and I knew it. Despite this, I think I am highly emotional and impressionable, very bad qualities for a stock investor/trader. On bad days, I would make between 5-10 trades a day, sometimes buying and selling the same stock more than once a day. Occasionally I would promise myself I would not buy/sell a stock till it reached a particular target but I just could not keep to the plan. The emotion of winning/losing and the nature of the beast that is the volatility in the market took its toll. I drastically reduced the size of my trades, from 5-10k a stock, to 1-2k at most a stock, so that I could hold modest paper losses. Didn't work. Kept getting shaken out with even the smallest losses.

The problem was, by 2009/2010, I could not concentrate on my day job. Initially I used to log into my trading account and check stock prices once or twice a day. Very soon I was permanently logged into my trading account and checking stocks every hour or so. I got into mid-cap stocks, then into micro caps and penny stocks. I got convinced I must be good because I nearly made all my losses back, with all my knowledge of stock trading. So in 2010 I quit my job to do stock trading full-time, partly buoyed by the apparent success enjoyed by some members of the daytrader club. Wrong. It was just a bull market. The timing was also very wrong for me as I was just starting a family, which meant that bringing in the mullah was a necessity.In 2011 the wheels fell off and markets started falling again. I doubled my original loss. So I capitulated again and quit trading and luckily got another job.

I promised myself I would never look at the market again. Didn't last long. Soon I was back into it and this time even though I was still trading piddly 1-2k amounts, I got into derivatives (options, warrants). I did make $100-300 profits daytrading options/warrants but warrants were a killer as the whole amount could be lost on stop-loss triggers. On bad trades I have lost 1k at a go with barrier call warrants. If you have traded barrier calls, you know how bad they are, and how market makers can move the stock price against you to stop your warrants. Lost heaps with derivatives. Have stopped trading derivatives and have now been clean for 5 months now, only trading stocks. But the itch is still there to try them.

No matter the magnitude of the loss I could not and still cannot stop trading.

Now, I spend 90% of my time between 10am-4:10pm staring at a trading screen. My work is suffering. I try and catchup on work after hours and weekends but family life suffers. This is my daily routine now.
1. Each time I wake up in the morning, I promise myself I will not look at the stock market, that I will let stop losses take care of my stocks.
2. But at 10am, at work I think, what the heck, a quick look at the market to see where markets open up cannot harm, so I promise myself I will look at the market for 5 minutes then back to work
3. Doesn't happen. Convince myself by 11 am I will be back at work. But of course by then the market has fully captivated my attention and very soon it is 4:11
4. Between 10 am and 4:10pm, I have not gotten up from desk even for a wee second.
5. By 5 pm, I am emotionally drained and promise myself that I will not play with the market.I tell myself the market is killing me. I rationally look at the situation. I have a good family, a good job and well paying I might add, but I spend hours and hours of my time looking at the market to make 20-50 bucks. Is it worth it? Hell no. By the time I go to sleep, I have convinced myself that I won't trade again.
6. Go back to step 1 the folliwing day.

I knew a friend (not a close one, an acquaintance you may call him) who got addicted to gambling on the pokies. He went through jobs like a razor through hair. 1-2 months max in a job. He neglected his wife and kids. Spent all night in the pokies. This was before my introduction to the stock markets. I used to think how can somebody neglect their life so much? From the outside it seemed such bizarre behaviour and I ridiculed him. Now I find myself in his shoes.A stock market junkie. On the verge of losing everything but seemingly incapable of stopping from self-destruction. At times I wish I did not have a desk job, so that it is simply not possible to trade on the Internet, maybe be a tradie.

I have contacted gamblers help and while I do get a sympathetic ear, they cannot tell me anything other than stopping it. Telling me to do what is so obvious. Turn over control of finances to somebody else, Close my trading accounts. Actively stay away from stock market stories. I believe they look at me the same way I looked at my friend. With incredulity and disbelief. But I simply cannot stop thinking about the market. Even when talking to someone, my mind is thinking about stocks, the myriad possibilities, the profits which happen for everyone else but for my indiscipline evade me. As a person I feel I have rotted over the past five years, my personality has decayed, lost sense of who I am, feel like a walking trading zombie or corpse. I haven't told my partner about it yet lest it ends in the d word which would be a disaster. I just wish there was a rehab clinic or something to get me of this disease.

It is a bit ironic I come to this forum for help on how to quit trading, given that some readers here may already be addicted to trading without knowing it, and most probably look at stock trading as a harmless hobby.

Ok so I have reached down my throat, pulled my heart out and pasted it out here. I would like to know if there is anyone who has successfully quit the stock market, or gambling for that matter, and would ask them to share their experiences. I hope I have reached out to others who may be in similar shoes to mine and would like thme to know they are not alone. The floor is open and all constructive comments welcome.