position vacant - communications manager

I'm thinking of helping the Management Team at CTR, as they could be trapped by floods or cyclonic weather conditions in Guatemala. SO perhaps we should help with a Communications Manager. My thoughts on the role;

Key Attributes:

Ability to communicate - verbal & written, preferred
Honest & transparent communication (a bonus);
Timely management of information & release of news to stakeholders;
Integrity
Easy to access by various means - email, phone, fax, pidgeon,snail

Other Desirable Skills:

Prepare a reserve update
Negotiate off-take agreements
Build a tank farm
Drive trucks loaded with crude oil
Negotiate CR's
Broker friendly
Can drink copious amounts of Guatemalan Rum

And so we wait for the right candidate.....one day, the news will arrive!

Disclaimer - the joke is on?