@zero2a$mill u said - Hope no one takes this the wrong way, but a sudden and instant death, is eventually easier to cope with, just,than a long lingering illness, where every day, you never know if you/they will be alive tomorrow.
I have often thought about that exact same thing as I never even got to say goodbye to my son He rang me the day before he passed away while I was at work, told him I was busy & would ring him back; unbeknownst to me that would be the very last time I would heard my son's voice. He passed away the following morning..
A 12 mths inquest was held into his passing as he passed away at home at such a young age - I was the first one to take the stand, they went through his life from the day he was born until his last dying breath - no parent should have to endure that but whilst it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life, it was a blessing in disguise as what I took away from the inquest was that had my son lived he wouldn't have had any quality of life - amongst other medical issues he had an enlarged heart & would have needed a heart transplant - My doctor was subpoenaed to the inquest & sat with me afterwards at length explaining all the complications we would have encountered - I am very grateful that my son did NOT suffer..
So we go back to your statement sudden & instant death is easier to cope with - A parent should NEVER EVER have to bury their own child regardless whether it's sudden or after a long illness they are equally the deepest abyss of pain and grief the human spirit can endure. The despair & overwhelming sadness that accompanies the death of a child is indescribable, it can't be imagined or explained - It's a painful journey of survival from day to day no matter how long it's been.
Whilst I am grateful I have another son I know that my life will never be the same again - When my son went away a part of me went with him - My heart is still & will always be broken, It's the kind of heartache that you can feel in your bones.. Sometimes I smile but I wanna cry, I talk but I wanna be quiet, I pretend that I'm happy but I'm not - Missing him comes in waves, some days I feel like I AM DROWNING... it's that time of year
Next Saturday 6th February will be a very hard day for our family - it's my son's anniversary
The hardest thing is not losing him but it's learning to live without him.. My mind replays what my heart can't delete. Some days I just sit & remember, Saturday will be one of those days, THE DAY HE WENT AWAY - blackest day of my life.. What cannot be said will be wept..
