wooo a surge is there an ann, page-19

(Apologies to Orson Wells, and fans)

***###***News Flash***###******###***News Flash***###***


Today shareholders of nickel hopeful, ‘Jervois Mining’ could be seen leaping from the tallest buildings around Australia when it was announced that the Chinese delegation from; Guangdong Guangye Assets Management Co. Ltd, turned out to be a bunch of hoaxers from chat forum: Hot Copper.

Lead by a sinister figure known only as; Optimist69, the shareholders read a series of doom and gloom posts on the JRV thread, which even though were unsubstantiated, were enough to push them over the edge.

He is a guru or a broker. He must be correct, they cried as they made their way to the window ledges.

At this stage, authorities believe that, Opti, as he is known on the site, was trying to unwittingly convince holders to sell so that he could amass millions of the shares for himself.
Rumour also has it; he plans to take over the world along with, The Goblin. Arch enemy of Spider Man.
However, it seems his plan backfired and the shareholders decided to jump to their deaths instead.

We spoke with Mrs Mc Whiffey who witnessed the shareholders falling onto her umbrella as she walked down to the coffee shop to get her afternoon, double dose, skinny latte with a lemon twist.
She said she felt shareholder bounce of the top of her brolly as she picked her way through the lifeless bodies lying in the street.
Just as well, I had my husband’s sturdy graphite golf umbrella today, or else something nasty could have happened to me.

This is Kent Brockman reporting form the scene.