holymagiman responds to madmacs and cortis

This is Dr Lincoln Augustus, first second cousin of Holymagiman.

Dear Mr Madmacs and Madam Cortis ,

I would be grateful if you could kindly not refer to me or the rest of the very extended family as West Indian Pranksters. We are not pranksters and we are very responsible people. Well, most of us are. I cannot speak for the Holymagiman as he is indeed unique and a person unto himself.

It is unfortunate that Madam Tangram gets drawn into the debate....sadly by association. I feel that a personal criticism of Holymagiman may be merited, as he tends to be wayward in his ways. But guilt by association is another matter altogether, and would not pass muster in the High Court of Jamaica, which, I must inform you, is a very high court indeed.

Holymagiman unfortunately sometimes speaks out of turn and brings great embarrassment to the family as he sometimes says things that the more demure in our society would sweep under the mattress. That he does not is understandable as he has swept so much under his mattress in his lifetime that there is no more space there even if he tried.

His younger brother Seamus, being young, has meanwhile tried to be helpful. I told him to go and dig up some news on coalbed methane in China for me. This I did to get him out of my hair. It was very painful when he was in my hair, as the dreadlocks sometimes got entangled into a wiry mess. So what does he do? He posts these China reports in the Molpoo site, hoping to be helpful and to let you good folk know what the latest Chinese thoughts on the coalbed methane was. It could be that that is not appreciated by some of you, but I was always under the impression that a little news is better than living in ignorance. I now see that that was not a good thing, so I will give him a tweak of his left ear and a kick on his right bum and keep him out of the site. He is very naughty, that one, and has no respect for the good people who do the important postings like yourself.

Talking about Seamus...he did ask me what all those fine lines that you draw are supposed to mean. I am not well versed in these chart things. I am not even not very well versed in these chart things. In short, I know nothing about these charts. I may be the only one to be so uneducated, but I would like to answer Seamus's questions.

Could I therefore ask you to perhaps write a rider at the bottom of your very colourful charts so that the uneducated people in this vast Jamaican family of ours can understand what is happening. We need to understand those charts because the Jiggery Stixs have been giving trouble. I have just found out that one of the Jiggery Stixs was made in China and has been contaminated with some exogenous plutonium, and I think that is why Holymagiman read the Stixs wrongly. As the Stixs are under warranty, we should be getting a replacement Stix from the factory in due time, and hopefully the contamination will be less.

To Madam Cortis's comments on Holymagiman's English skills.....what can I say, but that it is unfortunate that Holymagiman is in no way as educated as you, and he has travelled but little. He is also not educated in the Arts, Sciences or on Homer (except for maybe Mr Simpson) So when he writes, he writes as best as he can, but I appreciate that his language and his knowledge leaves much to be desired. I hope that his sojourn in Vancouver is expanding his horizons. I believe that the weather is getting colder there and most of the houses there are wooden, so I hope that he does not light a fire on the bedroom floor to keep himself warm.

Well, I had better be going off to have my dinner, so I take this opportunity to wish you fine folk a very good night and may the good Lord bless you all.

Dr Lincoln Augustus, PhD Phil, MBA (Ankara) MD (Bhutan) Advocate and Solicitor