scenario..., page-27

I'm sorry, but she's big, fat and ugly. There's no getting around it. You could be nice and call her "big boned" or "heavy" and "plain" or "homely" but that's not accurate, is it? No. She's big, fat and ugly.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and I'm sure that's true, but let's call a spade a spade. When you are five foot two and weigh over three-hundred pounds you are not merely overweight, you are fucking fat. And if your face looks like it caught fire and they put it out with an ice-pick you are not plain, you are fucking ugly.

All the above is bad enough but when you throw in unsightly facial hair, i.e. mustache; body odor; dirty hair; a loud, scratchy, high pitched voice - well, you get the message.

Maybe she has some kind of genetic condition or maybe she has an eating disorder. Perhaps she has some deep psychological problems due to her step-father who always made her suck his lollipop at gun point. I should probably feel sorry for this poor fellow human, at least sympathetic. Naaah. She's actually cocky, even arrogant.

What gets me is the fact that this woman has four kids hanging on to her! Cute little kids, too. Their cuteness must have come from the father's side, if there was actually only one pathetic loser who sired all these sticky, dirty-faced brats. Which brings me to the man in her life.

Maybe a long time ago this woman actually cared about her appearance. She was trim and had long, beautiful hair that covered up that hideous tattoo on her forehead. She lured some poor, unsuspecting man into her lair where she liquored him up and had her way with him. Suddenly this poor slob is walking down the aisle with a pregnant bimbo and some minister with bad breath pronounces them man and wife.

Four kids later, if this guy wasn't an alcoholic he is now. His lust for life is gone and he has become a burden to his family and remaining friends. Tiny, this pathetic creature he married, is constantly bitching at him to clean up his act and start treating her more like a wife. She wants romance and tenderness. Why can't he be more like the heroes in her romance novels? It's just not fair!

Well, he finally agrees to straighten up and fly right. He joins A.A. and promises to become a more devoted husband and father. He will work hard for her and the kids and shower her with love and affection. He goes away for treatment and returns a different person. He is sober and for the first time in his wretched life he seemingly has purpose.

On the way home he stops and buys a half-dozen red roses and picks up a bottle of White Zin. He's optimistic about the future and is anxious to prove to his wife that he's a new man.

He goes home and takes a look at this repulsive monster he's been sleeping with all these years. He immediately runs to the garage and blows his brains out with a twenty-gauge shotgun.

Let's face it. For all those years he knew she wasn't that much to look at. But it took cold, hard sobriety to make him see that no matter how you slice it - she's big...fat...and ugly.

See you all in a couple days roftl