Here's a few tips from the enemy, Parsiful:
If they don't own a home - No!
If they don't have income - No!
If they don't read at least one book per fortnight - No!
If they have never done community/charitable work - No!
If they don't appreciate art - No!
If they don't like animals - No!
If they don't like babies of all species - No!
If they are boring with no spark - No!
If they have no sense of humour - God No!
If they have no sense of adventure - No!
If they drink more than a tipple - No!
If they are wimps - No!
If they are under 5' 7" - No!
If they are not polite to serving staff - No!
If they don't tip - No!
If they are not impeccably groomed when they take you out - No!
If they don't tease you - No! (people only tease you if they like you).
If they don't anoint you with affectionate, pet names with 30 business days - No!
If they show no sign of chivalry - No!
If they're married - No!
If they are obsessed with football or other ball games - No!
If they lack inventive passion in the booodwar - Hell No!
If they are not unflinchingly brave - No!
I have just rejected 95.6% of men on your behalf
. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to seek out the remaining 4.4%; the Holy Grail of manhood
.
