Take a Paws, page-700

It is fair to take the time to say one least goodbye.

I have been sick with severe bipolar and depression for the past 30 years. I have destroyed many friendships and continue to do so. I have never had friends as I push people away constantly. My only true friend I know is my loving wife, whom I have never deserved.

Since losing my job, my place as a manager and in control, to being financially stuffed, chronic pain as well as getting blacker day after day. I have to say my depression and Bipolar are winning without even trying.

My Bipolar got so bad the other day, I honestly should have been locked up!!!

Recently I have have been dreaming up every form of suicide imaginable. I sense I need serious help and yet feel so lost at sea. Sharon is at her wits end to know what to do with me. She knows one thing for sure, I will tell her when I need to go back to the mental health ward. I take that extremely seriously!

I have been on Hot Copper for a long time, but have only been posting socially for about 1 or 2 years.
In that time I have not been a good communicator and also harsh in many ways but yet I always had love deep in me.

Any form of social media is not good for the way my head and heart works, so I have to say my last see'ya.
I mean no ill to anyone and in fact have a love and connection with many that I find also way too hard to explain or deal with, as the way of communication is confusing and extremely broken.

I will only be on one thread and that will be my stock, as I only ever had that in the past.
My love of Poetry, music, singing, guitar, painting and the environment, have not been fully explored and now it is time for what I know is true therapy and my time to meditate to my God.

Thanks to the following: bun bun, Margaret, big e, Nobody, Justis, Zero, Zipperlip, Hoots, Wazza, Remark, Roaminoz, Michelef, lakota, jackarooz and so many bloody more.

I simply am not well. Last time I was in the mental ward for 2 weeks....
This time, I am going to leave and take action on finding some real help and hope I can find peace with my God.

Good bye and thank you for trying. Stay safe and please wish me well.

Kind regards
Ken