Feel Better:Complain About Anything, page-60674

aaah
one of my fathers favourite fireside readings to us. i think i have mentioned before how we used to all sit on the floor around the fireplace while dad would read his favourites to us. hunting of the snark, jabberwocky, alice in wonderland, rudyard kipling, daniel defoe.

He would answer to "Hi!" or to any loud cry,
Such as "Fry me!" or "Fritter my wig!
"To "What-you-may-call-um!" or "What-was-his-name!"
But especially "Thing-um-a-jig!"
While, for those who preferred a more forcible word,
He had different names from these:
His intimate friends called him "Candle-ends,"
And his enemies "Toasted-cheese."


.......
"Come, listen, my men, while I tell you again
The five unmistakable marks
By which you may know, wheresoever you go,
The warranted genuine Snarks.
"Let us take them in order.
The first is the taste, Which is meagre and hollow, but crisp:
Like a coat that is rather too tight in the waist,
With a flavour of Will-o'-the-wisp.
"Its habit of getting up late you'll agree
That it carries too far, when I say
That it frequently breakfasts at five-o'clock tea,
And dines on the following day."
The third is its slowness in taking a jest.
Should you happen to venture on one,
It will sigh like a thing that is deeply distressed:
And it always looks grave at a pun.
"The fourth is its fondness for bathing-machines,
Which it constantly carries about,
And believes that they add to the beauty of scenes—
A sentiment open to doubt."
The fifth is ambition.
It next will be right To describe each particular batch:
Distinguishing those that have feathers, and bite,
From those that have whiskers, and scratch.