I am sorry I rejected your apology - twice. I have reflected many times about why I reacted so strongly to your original comment and to the others. You were right in one part of it most likely but the other which was the trigger felt a lot like what used to go on. I was the one who went out to work and I’d often come home to find stuff given away or something purchased or a financial decision made. Once I came home and he’d been out and bought a boat. Every decision like that meant more work for you me. But every time I had a different opinion I was called - well what you said. If I cried because of it I got strangled occasionally - I presume to keep me in my place. I have never been able to reconcile that with other parts of my life and with the love that wrapped me when that relationship ended. Same right now. It destabilises me. It is worse when it seems such a one sided judgment on me and the other seems to get off scot free.
and of course in trying to stand up for myself and explain why I think it’s one sided or what my reasoning is or follow the apparent logic I make it worse don’t I. I appear to prove what you think.
I should instead let it go and decide everyone else is blind or stupid. But I can’t. I try too hard and I wonder what others have seen that I cannot or what I can see that others cannot. I become a really good target maybe.
I have had a shitty two weeks since all of that happened. Totally shitty. I can’t understand how people can talk of kindness, peace or compassion but ….., labelling or direct personal comments aren’t that. There is a difference between a comment about an action or idea and a comment about a person.
ive apologised over and over again but it hasn’t stopped it. Maybe apologising means it looks like I actually do have a problem but I am apologising because I take responsibility for not making different choices. I’m not apologising for my original comments about Cerberus or about progressive tax but I am apologising for not letting go. I’ll also add now an apology for trying to defend myself
I have cried a lot over this. It’s pathetic. I thought I was safe on this thread but it hadn’t felt safe at all. I can barely recognise myself again and it’s going to take a lot of work to recover myself. I don’t expect anyone to actually understand because they haven’t lived my life.
what I do care about is that I was so rough on you because you were doing what you could to take it back. Sorry. Have a nice day
