Feel Better:Complain About Anything

Originally posted by Parsifal: ↑

I am sorry I rejected your apology - twice. I have reflected many times about why I reacted so strongly to your original comment and to the others. You were right in one part of it most likely but the other which was the trigger felt a lot like what used to go on. I was the one who went out to work and I’d often come home to find stuff given away or something purchased or a financial decision made. Once I came home and he’d been out and bought a boat. Every decision like that meant more work for you me. But every time I had a different opinion I was called - well what you said. If I cried because of it I got strangled occasionally - I presume to keep me in my place. I have never been able to reconcile that with other parts of my life and with the love that wrapped me when that relationship ended. Same right now. It destabilises me. It is worse when it seems such a one sided judgment on me and the other seems to get off scot free.

and of course in trying to stand up for myself and explain why I think it’s one sided or what my reasoning is or follow the apparent logic I make it worse don’t I. I appear to prove what you think.

I should instead let it go and decide everyone else is blind or stupid. But I can’t. I try too hard and I wonder what others have seen that I cannot or what I can see that others cannot. I become a really good target maybe.

I have had a shitty two weeks since all of that happened. Totally shitty. I can’t understand how people can talk of kindness, peace or compassion but ….., labelling or direct personal comments aren’t that. There is a difference between a comment about an action or idea and a comment about a person.

ive apologised over and over again but it hasn’t stopped it. Maybe apologising means it looks like I actually do have a problem but I am apologising because I take responsibility for not making different choices. I’m not apologising for my original comments about Cerberus or about progressive tax but I am apologising for not letting go. I’ll also add now an apology for trying to defend myself

I have cried a lot over this. It’s pathetic. I thought I was safe on this thread but it hadn’t felt safe at all. I can barely recognise myself again and it’s going to take a lot of work to recover myself. I don’t expect anyone to actually understand because they haven’t lived my life.

what I do care about is that I was so rough on you because you were doing what you could to take it back. Sorry. Have a nice day

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Dear @Parsifal,

I am so very sorry for your pain. I can see that you are hurting badly, I was thinking about you when again lying awake last night struggling with my own demons.

I have I feel, partly inadvertently contributed to this. My blundering way of trying to help you has probably made you feel worse.
That is why, when I reread my post after I had posted it, I asked for it to be removed. Sadly it was not removed quickly enough.
I was really trying to help you, but it came out all wrong. As if I was judging you, I can see now that is probably how you interpreted it.

I have foot in mouth syndrome. It has bitten me on the bum so many times. I, like you have good intentions.
So I sincerely apologise. My decision not to get involved in confrontation, as not only do I make things worse and land up even more distressed, has lapsed badly this week. It is so difficult for me to not jump in with two front feet, without thinking things through beforehand.

I try my hardest to let things just flow over me, but like you I get triggered. I know my daughter thinks I am far too much like hard work, I have been diagnosed with PTSD after I had that breakdown early last year. So my emotions are often on a roller coaster.
My dear Granddaughter was 15 several days ago and as my daughter has decided to go no contact, it was another very sad and troubled time.

I made another bad mistake this week, trying to talk about it to another family member. This did not work, so once again the pain was worse. I try to act on the old saying, if in doubt do nought. But old habits die hard.

This is not meant to be about me Parsifal, sorry. I just would like to say that I do understand that when you have been badly hurt, it takes a great deal of time to heal. Further mistakes are made, when we are so sensitive. Heck none of this is making any sense, so I think I will just shut up.

Please take care of yourself. This is another lesson to me to shut up.