Thats a good point and don't forget the press release, here I'll repost for you....
On July 13, 2009 CrapView Corp Ltd and Markie Silver Tongue Dodgy Brother (MS) (“CrapView”) ASX:CVI, OTCBB:CTVWF announced that it was planning to make up another acquisition using a shelf company and virtual office to further top up it’s coffers with a net 18.325% interest in a South African coal fines company which is constructing two coal briquetting plants.
After deciding to release to market our (nonexistent but for the purpose of this release we will claim) extensive due diligence CrapView has determined that it would be more commercially attractive to acquire control of a smaller nonexistent operation rather than hold a minority stake in a larger enterprise thereby not allowing us to steal whatever monies we have generated from unsuspecting yet ill informed or gullible investors not willing to do a seconds worth of their own research. Accordingly CrapView has terminated the previous nonexistent arrangements in favour of a far more nonexistent but easier to imagine arrangement.
A new virtual agreement has been imagined, which for the purpose of this release is subject to certain provisions and some kind of diligence: we think the terms are as follows, at least until we change our minds:-
(i) CrapView acquiring 74% of Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office (Pty) Limited (“Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office”) a South African corporation: the remaining 26% being held by a Black Economic Empowerment entity.
(ii) Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office pretending to be in the process of constructing a coal briquette plant with in-feed system accommodating 110 tonne/hour… no wait, not enough, how about… 1,000,000 tonne/hour of high grade coal fines: Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office procuring a US$8.5 million bond… hold on a minute …. US$850 million bond to cover the plant construction costs…. Yes that should do nicely.
(iii) Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office holding rights to be supplied with 750,000,000 tonnes per annum of high grade coal fines. Now we’re getting somewhere.
(iv) Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office holding off-take agreements for 600,000,000,000,000 tonnes per annum of coal briquettes linked to export pricing….. H’mmm export pricing! There must be something sexier than this… we’ll get back to you on that one after the project funding has disappeared.
(v) Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office having all necessary arrangements in place for nonexistent technical and invisible management services – invisible except for over at the country club – Say what my good man! - 2 - The purchase price for CrapView’s proposed interest to be US$23,767,200 plus a little wetting the beak payable as follows:-
(i) assignment of a CrapView receivable of US$10,172,807 borrowed to another company but now lost somewhere, we’re not really sure where it is, might have gone through with the washing or be in the boot of the car somewhere – don’t worry it will be around some place safe;
(ii) issuance of US$13,594,393 vendor finance for unlimited years Notes with free interest, payable from CrapView’s share of Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office’s net cash flows and general WOW! factor;
(iii) the annual amount of vendor finance Notes outstanding to be adjustable upwards or downwards dependent on the annual card game, we have negotiated a preference for the game to be Poker as it’s more complicated than Blackjack, between parties of Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office’s audited by EBITDA which is kind of funny as we will actually largely be playing ourselves, but it will be a great party none the less ; and
(iv) the vendor finance Notes issued by CrapView shall not be drawn against until after the first annual fancy dress party which is to be hosted by Welvogen our real shelf company with Virtual Office, which is defined as having the party and thus the open bar running continuously for 90 days at a minimum rate of 100 tonnes per hour of corn chips and general party consumerables.
Briquetting is a means of us transferring your hard earned monies invested in us, to us, then through us and over to us, so we can then in turn pass it off to us in some way that seems likely it’s doing something even if you think its doing nothing, but in actual fact it’s doing something for me you’ll largely be unaware of, but thankfully I’ll know something about it – enough said about that.
In the past, the high cost of dewatering was a problem but since we have installed tubing direct to the company bar and now have no need to leave our barstools, except of course to chase the waitresses/waiters – any port in a storm – say what! However technology has steadily improved and the current process incorporates a drying process that dries fine suit material without the need for additional heat and potential chaffing or movement from stool. The dry martinis are then blended with a low liquid blender utillising a high-shear special mixer to introduce low moisture high alcohol infeed for blending cocktails and of course something about briquetting machines, ha should be mentioned… Where were we!!?? O yes… Because of the high blood pressure being exerted on me at EGM's and the like, and the diminishing sp has caused me some problems with the rate of cash available for partying, having said this the coal briquettes are hardly realistic but will have to do I guess, and then your pants will be waterproof and dry enough to be able to stand in front of potential gullible investors and try to make an immediate sale. Apart from the moisture evaporated, there are no waste streams generated from the briquetting… I think.
Briquetting and a little guacamole and you have a great party that as previously mentioned should run for approximately 90 days of debauchery, I really seriously wish you were here as your missing a great party… man, this dude came around with these briquettes and one of the girls had too many, then Smythe hooked in and there was this…
Obviously the tale here is to do your own research or you don't really know what your doing or who might be doing it to you - do you now?
CVI Price at posting:
0.5¢ Sentiment: Sell Disclosure: Not Held
