on the final straight. . . . . . . ., page-7

My goodness Ladies and Gentlemen, the race was in it's final thrilling seconds but sorry to say we can't bring you the results of the race just yet because an unpredicted solar eclipse occurred and the finish line was invisible at the time the race was supposed to end. Noone could see what was happenning, but that as you know has been a feature of this race much of the time. Perhaps unsurprisingly, some backyard astro-philoso-astrologers had been making noises that this would happen, but that didn't stop the punters, oh no, the bets have still been flowing.

Well, all we can say it that the running is probably over and we have to wait for the infra-red photo finish results which should be out in the morning. What's the prediction? Well Whatamess is in for a place of course, but will Poorholder make a place or even get across the line. Dear punters, we hope so!

It's just been revealed today that one of the owners of Metal storm (with the largest share) has continued to bet against his own horse, oh dear me, what's going on here? - but the bookies have continued to take all bets and surprisingly the odds for Metal Storm have reduced in the exciting lead up to the finish line on claims that he's looking forward to promised good feeds which will keep him going for a long long time.

It has also been revealed (by a third party reporter) that the stable manager had actually been asking (yea imploring) the stewards to halt the race because so many punters were complaining and suspecting that there was some race fixing going on, but the stewards have taken the attitude that it's punters beware, let the race continue and if Poorholder is being dunned then too bad. So, Ladies and Gentlemen, at least this is reassuring for punters in that the stable manager may be trying his best for all under very trying conditions and if you bet on Poorholder and end up losing the lot, you can still feel good about it secure in the knowledge that all has been fair and square and above board in this race!

Stand by for the heart stopping results shortly to be revealed. (Don't forget to take your blood pressure pills). Who is the winner? 'twill shortly be revealed.

Good luck punters all.