exciting potential but still some questions, page-12

Be thankful that Muppet Ferguson didn't give you a call. Below is still the best, funniest impersonation i've come across, of him and the Labor govt. The Ferguson bits in this are hilarious and it neatly sums up your ideas about them not wanting to do squat.

The PM's burning question
CHRIS HENNING
September 26, 2009

Scene: The Prime Minister's office, Canberra. In the centre, the Prime Minister's desk, which is so clean you could eat your dinner off it. To the right are upholstered armchairs, encased in plastic covers to ensure a wipe-clean surface at all times. Kevin Rudd sits behind his desk, making sure his pencils line up. On the armchairs sit the Climate Change Minister, Senator Penny Wong, and the Industry Minister, who is oh, someone with a beard whose name escapes us. They are discussing the carbon pollution reduction scheme.


Whatsisname (the Industry Minister): Prime Minister my great worry about this is that the scheme will impose costs on manufacturers which will simply cripple their attempts to compete in export markets.

Rudd: Therefore, my concern is simply this: that Australian manufacturers will not be able to compete in export markets.

Wong (long pause, looks insulted then speaks slowly in a flat, deliberate monotone): Well Prime Minister, and Minister Whatsyourname, I'm astonished that the Industry Department is only now getting around to understanding the implications of trying to cut carbon pollution.

Rudd: And therefore, my question to you, Minister Wong, is simply this: what do we do?

Wong (long pause, insulted look): Well as I understand it, Prime Minister, our stated policy is that we want to act to confront climate change. That requires changing the way our industries do things. (Rudd and Whatsisname shake their heads.)

(Enter Martin Ferguson, Minister for Resources, to wild cheers from the audience.)

Ferguson: Pry Mincer, Mincer Wong, Mincer Wosname, my Parment as jussa vised me we are csidering imposing a ntolerable cost burn on Strain mine cummanies.

Rudd: Yes, Martin.

Ferguson: Pry Mincer I am toely posed to susha polsy. Strain mine cumnies are awready laybring unner a ntolerable hang-cap ovvy schange rate wish is at storic highs. To furver mpose a coss ovvy Carmon Plution Redushen Scheme is gunna toely disvannage ose cumnies anna tensa thousansa Strain werng famlies tha depen on nem for air ingcome.

Rudd: Therefore, what do-

Ferguson: Strain mine cumnies needa todal zemption from miss whole scheme. A hum per cent, Pry Mincer. Hum per cent. Mim-mum.

Whatsisname: I agree, Prime Minister. Australia's manufacturers need a 100 per cent exemption too.

Rudd: Therefore, what do you think, Minister Wong?

Wong (long pause, insulted look): Well that would transfer the entire burden of greenhouse gas reduction on to voters. I am sure that would make us deeply unpopular.

Rudd: Just let me make one simple point. People love their cars. Therefore, they love burning petrol. Therefore, if we try to stop them, they will not vote for us. Therefore, what do we do now?

Whatsisname: Minister Wong, industry supports change, provided it is targeted change. Industry is prepared to change, but only things that make no difference.

Rudd: Let me say just one thing. I have an idea. Therefore, let me simply say this: yes, we do want to confront climate change, but within a broader spectrum, a broader context if you will. We want to confront change in all its forms, wherever it may occur.

Ferguson (nods furiously). Yep. Hum per cent in agreeance, Pry Mincer. My thought zackly. Well said.

Wong (long pause, more insulted than usual): So therefore-

Rudd: Therefore, let's not change anything.