Feel Better:Complain About Anything, page-106624

Thanks @wotsup. That sounds like going to a psychiatrist, which I did a few years ago.
Before I actually had a zoom meeting with a few of them (they seem to change jobs, quite regularly and have a very high suicide rate). oh dear.

I was questioned over and over again, by four male nurses, who were very kind, but often wished to steer the subject over to sexual matters lol, which had absolutely no connection with my problems.

I am not bi polar, but most of us can feel a certain way on Monday and very different on Tuesday eg.
Basically. I would never have gone through this except that I fell to pieces after my Dad died and at the same time my husband was being an arse.
Going off to “golf trips” to Bangkok and not caring about me.

That is all in the past now, but I have never really recovered. These incidences apparently triggered abandonment issues from my childhood.
I was already having panic attacks for many years before this.

So I know the causes, but it is a habit of living in fear, which is so hard to break.
When I was younger, I was OUT THERE! Brave as hell, the party girl, then loving being a Mum.

But I have so much to be grateful for, so very much.
I will be ok, I think. Now I am taking baby steps to get back on track and now my husband is being very kind and loving after I snapped and started packing my suitcase and said I was off. He was so devastated and I couldn’t leave him. It changed everything.

So things are getting better, I am one of these annoying people who spills her guts. It is not good, but everyone has been so very kind.
It feels so terribly self indulgent and it is so. When all around the world people never know if they will get bombed at any moment.
But then I worry about them as well, I can stay awake all night fretting over things which I have no control over.
People who are becoming homeless blah blah. My dear Nan was a natural born worrier too, I take after her.

Time for me to just shut up. thanks for trying to help.
Have a beautiful weekend and that goes for everyone.x