words kevin rudd can't bring himself to say

I thought this was funny so I posted it on the humour forum but it got cut. As a famous person once said before a fall, such is life!

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/opinion/words-kevin-rudd-cant-bring-himself-to-say/story-e6frg71o-1226164273312


Words Kevin Rudd can't bring himself to say

by: Imre Salusinzky
From: The Australian
October 12, 2011 12:00AM


HERE'S an odd thing - Kevin Rudd has not uttered the phrase "Julia Gillard" in more than a year (at least according to my researches using something called the internet).

Nor has the former PM used any derivative of his successor's name: Jools, Gillie, J-Lard, JuLIAR (implausibly) or, simply, Julia. (I mean publicly, of course. I'm sure Rudd has uttered the words "Julia Gillard" in private, perhaps as part of a three-word phrase of which the second two words are "Julia Gillard".)

Rudd repeatedly refers to "the Prime Minister" in contexts where other ministers or MPs would have reverted to "Julia" or "Julia Gillard" or "Ms Gillard."

When he did use Gillard's name - last July on the day he formally entered the federal election campaign - journalists noted it took him fully seven minutes to spit it out.

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I have no idea of the source of this odd locutionary habit. Perhaps readers would like to make their own suggestions in comments. Meanwhile, here are my Top 10 hypotheses:

10. Rudd has in fact repeatedly tried to utter words "Julia Gillard", but was stymied by gag reflex.

9. Secretly converted to Orthodox Judaism during convalescence from heart surgery and regards the word "Julia" as uncomfortably close to "Jehovah".

8. Is acting on soldierly principle of not humanising victim prior to unleashing deadly force.

7. Is skilfully concealing a speech defect in which the words "Julia Gillard" would come out sounding like "that witch in the fright-wig who did me in."

6. Would love to utter the words "Julia Gillard"but hasn't been able to diarise it because of other commitments.

5. Will say "Julia Gillard" in due season so why don't we all have a Bex and a nice lie down?

4. Has joined the French literary movement known as Oulipo, in which you are not allowed to use words starting with certain letters - which in Rudd's case happen to be "j" and "g".

3. As an admirer of Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, does not wish to detract from the moment when he emerges from caucus and declares: "Julia Gillard, she dead!"

2. Doesn't need to say it when the voices in his head are already saying it . . . louder and louder.

1. Like the majority of Australians - only more so - does not regard Gillard as a fully legitimate holder of her office.