Not wanting gays to marry the same sex is not homophobic - for homophobia would be a blanket dismissal of gays everywhere including the workplace. So apart from marriage, where else are gays feeling dismissed? So when we allow gays to marry - what happens when 2 gays brothers, who truly love each other, decide that they want to marry each other as well? Who is going to get off their soapbox and tell them that they cannot marry? What happens when a 21 y/o woman and a 14 y/o girl fall in love and want to marry? Who is going to deny them the privilege? Do you see how simple the current laws of marriage are - so clearly defined. Yet, as soon as you bring out the '2 people in love cannot be denied marriage' chestnut then you open the doors for any combination that must be accepted as well. If that happens, then do away with marriage and let's move on.
Using the word homophobia is too convenient and a cheap and low shot to those that are attempting to keep the institution of marriage as clear and as simply defined as initially attempted. Not wanting gays to marry each other is not about hating the individuals, nothing could be further from the truth. I for one find them refreshingly open and kind. But I also find this demand from them that we change the marriage laws is utterly selfish. I don't believe it's about getting married, I believe it's about breaking down authority which is heavily disrespected by various groups and generations. One law to break, and then move on to the next. It's about the victory more than anything else.
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