fun in the pub

I was talking to a girl in the pub last night.

She said, "If you lost some weight, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When she moved away I tried again ...

I was telling another girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling her nipples she began to lose patience and said. "Well come on, what day was I born"?

I said, “Yesterday."