I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
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