Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.
________________________________________________
Policeman: Knock, knock.
Woman: Who's there?
Policeman: The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.
________________________________________________
There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. They are all trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.
________________________________________________
A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
________________________________________________
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
________________________________________________
What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.
________________________________________________
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
________________________________________________
How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
________________________________________________
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
________________________________________________
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house."
The other man replies: "Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit."
________________________________________________
Did you hear about the Irishman found under a shop?
Yes, he was killed and buried there. It was gang-related.
________________________________________________
Man: What a beautiful dog. Does he bite?
Dog-owner: No.
Man: Can I pet him?
Dog-owner: No, he has a form of eczema that makes him skin weep if touched.
________________________________________________
How can you tell when an Essex girl wants sex?
She displays signs of arousal, such as enlargement of the cl*toris and swelling of the l@bia.
________________________________________________
What's the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.
________________________________________________
What do you get if you cross a horse and a donkey?
A mule.
________________________________________________
A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.
However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.
________________________________________________
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
You call him an ambulance. He may have fractured his skull.
- Forums
- Humour
- non jokes for the morbid sense oh humour
non jokes for the morbid sense oh humour
Featured News
Featured News
The Watchlist
JBY
JAMES BAY MINERALS LIMITED
Andrew Dornan, Executive Director
Andrew Dornan
Executive Director
SPONSORED BY The Market Online