Onepot, they havent understood the "why" of your personal distress on this issue. Blackgold didnt mean anything, really. You have convinced those who understand the matter. Thats all that counts. Its a terrible burden and I hope you get over it one day. Talking helps. I wont air my considerable "baggage", but I had 19 years of the most horrible nightmares that woke me yelling & sweating but unable to remember why. A chance conversation with someone who was present at the "incident" that led to the nightmares woke me to the reason for them..........and they went away. I hope something like that will happen for you. i think we should lay this thread to rest here.
