To answer your question - why have I studied in such depth? Well, I was raised by a hippy, artistic, new-agey mother and an atheist scientist father, so have always had a strange mix in me :) I think I was first drawn to religion in my mid teens (when I became interested in Christianity initially) because I always felt there was some fundamental 'truth' out there that would help me make peace with the world. In hindsight, some of that sense may well have also come from that crudest of motivations - a fear of death and a desire to know what would happen to me.
So, although I couldn't have possibly articulated it at the time, I think my desire was for *peace* or *happiness* (the two are quite closely linked ideas for me).
I've been a student of comparative religion now for some time, and there are some belief systems I understand much better than others, but I have a passing familiarity with many. I've studied shamanism in Outer Mongolia, Buddhism in Tibet, Sri Lanka, Thailand and Japan respectively, and have a fascination for what might be termed the western esoteric tradition. I've meditated seriously for over 20 years now. I've been blessed to have had some wonderful teachers, and the company of wise companions. I've found some truths that resonate *for me*, but they would be useless for me to pass on as they were arrived at through lived experience, not words.
I have no answers - but you weren't looking for them anyway. Did I reach peace and happiness? Well, it's a journey and not a destination, isn't it? But I'd have to say that day by day the journey becomes more delightful, and generally the world is luminous and a gift. That said, I have my moments and reserve the right to be human. I once asked HH the Dali Lama about this and he was quite upfront with me that it was OK to get annoyed - like I've done (albeit in a fairly bemused way) this afternoon. One thing that annoys me in others is when I see people needing to adopt a 'holier than thou' or 'wiser tha thou' position - possibly because it is one thing that continues to bother me about myself :) The hilarity about "judge not lest you be judged" is that it is more often than not said to someone reprovingly.
Was the destination what I expected? No. Not even a little. And I doubt it will be, in the end, what I expect it to be now - to the extent that I have expectations remaining.
Anyway, that's me - and that's an honest answer because I've liked your participation in this thread debono :) You seem a good chap.
