dinner plates - i've had the sods..., page-9

"now who can I send an insulting email to to get the situation corrected?....."

I am sure that crockery manufacturers read HC and will be working on a solution to your almost insurmountable problem as we speak.
No doubt when they come up with a plate that meets the strict requirements aforementioned you will naturally receive royalties as well as the kudos you so richly deserve.