2022 Federal Election Result, page-44

I can just imagine the following script being played out on repeat between our newly elected PM and their foreign counterpart (FC).

PM: Greetings
FC: Congrats! How did you do it?
PM: We learnt from last time, don't mess with people's homes, investment properties and taxes. Noone likes us, but they hate the other guy more.
FC: So let's talk trade.
PM: Yes, Australia is open and more than happy to help.
FC: Since we went green, and can't buy Russia energy, we've been on the lookout for safe supply. Do you know anyone with reliable coal?
PM: We have plenty of coal. Australia is made of coal.
FC: So you can put me contact with your major producers and put in a good word for us?
PM: Happy to help.

[Two weeks later]

PM: Greetings
FC: Your producers say they don't have anything to offer us. They say its all in the ground and they're not allowed to dig up anymore. I thought you were going to help us?
PM: We have plenty of coal. Australia is made of coal.
FC: Yes, you said that the first time. Can we have some?
PM: Let me ask my business partner, Mr Green... Nah, he says no. Go #$%^ off.
FC: Pardon me?
PM: I was just repeating what Mr Green was saying on the other line.
FC: We're going to freeze to death without coal. You really can't help?
PM: We have plenty of coal. Australia is made of coal.
FC: Yes, you said that twice now. Can we have some?
PM: Sorry, you're cutting out... on... [line breaks up]
PM to Mr Green: That was a close one. Good ol' nbn isn't reliable out here.

[Two minutes later]

PM: You're back again? Sorry, my internet cut out.
FC: Can we have some coal? Please. We're literally going to die!
PM: We have plenty of coal. Australia is made of coal.
FC: Yes, you said that three times now. Can we have some?
PM: My Green and his teal friends would much rather you freeze to death. But I'd like to help. Really.
FC: So you're telling me you'd like to help but can't?
PM: We have plenty of coal. Australia is made of coal.
FC: Yes, you said that four times now. Can we have some?
PM: We can send you just about anything except the thing you really need. How about that?

[The loop continues to play with infinite variation until the FC gives up and is forced back to buying Russian. But by that time, FC finds that Russian energy has already been contracted to their competitors. Four months later, price of coal doubles again and many people in FC's country die from a cold winter, approved by Mr Green and his friends.]