DIET TIP: Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. The subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea will enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. FINANCE TIP: Save on electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat. FINANCE TIP: Save on petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help. HOUSEHOLD TIP: Drill a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed. HOUSEHOLD TIP: Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know. INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: Buy a TV exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control. INEXPENSIVE ENTERTAINMENT: During rush hour, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. PARKING TICKETS: Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. PERSONAL HYGEINE: No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. TRAVELING TIP: Avoid the need to pack bulky shampoo bottles, which can leak in your suitcase, by arranging for the whole family to have 'skinhead' haircuts a day or two before departure. TRAVELING TIP: When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.
