Apologies if this has been posted before. ===========================================================
After every flight, QANTAS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet", which conveys to the engineers problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need investigation. The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form with what remedial action was taken. The pilot then reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers:
Pilot: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. Maintenance: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Maintenance: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Maintenance: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Dead bugs on windscreen. Maintenance: Live bugs on back-order.
Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Maintenance: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Maintenance: Evidence removed.
Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Maintenance: DME volume set to more believable level.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Maintenance: That's what friction locks are for.
Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Maintenance: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack in windscreen. Maintenance: Suspect you're right.
Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Maintenance: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Maintenance: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot: Target radar hums. Maintenance: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Maintenance: Cat installed.
Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Maintenance: Hammer taken away from midget.
