I'm not overtly keen on 'em but i'll have a crack...
If the pun is the flagship of English humour, then innuendo is the seamen all over it. I'm really starting to hate these stupid little Russian Dolls.
They're so full of themselves. The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house.
I didn't know what to make of it. The Beach Boys walk into a bar "Round?" "Round?" "Get a round" "I get a round?" "Get a round...." My new girlfriend lets me lick anything off her and I love it.
Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her.
She's a cracker. My local museum is trying to raise money by setting up a dinosaur fossil display. How will it work?
Remains to be seen. I hate French jokes.
They're crepe. My wife started yelling at me because I shaved my head.
I tried to explain it was because my base jumping instructor told me to, but she just said "If he told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." I've just seen a bunch of Mexicans packed into a tiny Ford playing the macarana and eating tortillas.
I think it was a Fiesta. I've put in so many shifts where I work recently that they've decided to fire me.
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as it looks. I hated my job as an origami teacher.
Too much paperwork. My mate lent me $5000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit.
Bastard stole my limelight. I recently submitted 10 puns to a newspaper competition, hoping that they would get featured.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did People think I'm weird because I swallowed an Abacus.
It's what's inside that counts. I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name. It's P something T something R. It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames. I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve viruses in this bar." The virus replaces the bartender and says, "Now we do."
A infectious disease walks into bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve infectious disease in this bar." The infectious disease says, "Well, you're not a very good host."
Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria in this bar." The bacteria says, "But we work here! We're staff."
A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve any superconductors in this bar. The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
An infrared photon walks into a bar and says, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve neutrino in this bar." The neutrino says, "Hey, I was just passing through."
Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And didn't.
The Higgs Boson walk into church. The Priest says, "We don't allow Higgs bosons in here." The Higgs boson says, "But without me, how can you have mass?"
A statistician walks into just your average bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve statistician in this bar." The statistician says, "Well, you're just mean."
A some helium gas just drifts into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases in this bar." The helium didn't react. Bulbs are gay.
