I've looked over your last comment;
Having combed through decades of research and conducted dozens of interviews with local and overseas experts and abusive men themselves, Hill argues many abusers harbour a deep desire for intimacy and belonging, which is being warped into violence by powerful feelings of shame.
"So it's not like, because a guy has deep shame he will necessarily become an abuser. But if he chooses to take the path of least resistance and attack other people as a way of making himself feel powerful, or at least make him feel like he is obeying the laws of masculinity" — to be strong and in control, to avoid showing weakness or vulnerability — "then that's a really bad situation."
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-06-23/jess-hill-domestic-violence-cruel-twist-abusive-men/11188842
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