the best yet

(a John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit)
(The Customer)

[Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock. He is approached by JOHN]

John: Morning! Looking for a new car?

Bryan: Nope. Prime Minister, actually.

John: You?re the third one this morning. Anything in mind?

Bryan: You know....... nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B.

John: You mean like a Howard?

Bryan: Yeah....a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles.

John: So.... you used to have one?

Bryan: Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model ? don?t know why I got rid of him --biggest mistake I?ve ever made?

John: What happened?

Bryan: Traded him in for a Kevin 07.

John: Big mistake?

Bryan: Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage.

John: How was the Kevin 07?

Bryan: Came with a $900 factory rebate ? that was good.

John: Anything else?

Bryan: Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon.

John: Didn?t stick around for long did it?

Bryan: Nah ? had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again.

John: What was the problem?

Bryan: Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way.

John: Whatcha got now?

Bryan: It?s a Gillard-Brown.

John: The hybrid?

Bryan: Yeah. The Eco-drive system ? not a good idea. An engine that can?t deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse?

John: Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason ? that?s the one?

Bryan: The Fustercluck model.

John: The only one they made, Bryan. Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery ? but did they finish up fixing the navigation system?

Bryan: Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere.

John: So that?s why you?re here?

Bryan: That?s right. I?m stuck with a government that's wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don?t suppose you?ve heard of the ?Cash for Clunkers? scheme?

John: Join the queue brother.