You really didn't think you would get off that easy did you Xjoer's.
Since BD decided to take the money and run your humble correspondent has been scanning these threads to make a series of awards to those Xjoer's who have made an outstanding contribution by saying something profound in the assigned categories determined by some very famous luminories ,sponsors and foundations .
Yes Xjoers it's our very own XJO Academy awards night ,The Joeys .Now's the time to start shuffling nervously guys,these awards are the pinnacle of what we do here.
Mrs.Pisces is waiting in the wings to make the presentations
Our first award of the night :
The Simon Cowell ' ALMOST FAMOUS ' Encouragement Award
The winner of the Joey is Disco Stu :
' I myself have worked in the music industry for many years, both performing and behind the scenes. I've looked after some famous Australian artists like Richard Clapton, Regurgitator, Chisel and Inxs. I was part of the first Popstars show which spawned Australian Idol..'
There was more folks but Stu had done enough by then to nail this one and the judges are hoping he'll use those contacts to get the stars down to the Zommba. Someone your buddies know who is current would be nice Stu .
The missus was very impressed by your intimacy with those big names Stu
The Ron Casey Memorial ' DUMMY SPIT OF THE YEAR '
The winner of the Joey is ....HASPETE
Yes he snared this most coveted award for this:
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It wasn't there for long but the judges didn't let the mods inability to appreciate a truly great spit deter them from their duty as he sacrificed time on HotCopper for his art in this outstanding rant against our current Prime Minister .There is absolutely no political bias or influence in the XJO awards but we really appreciated Haspete's passion in giving it to that red headed bimbo who's almost single handedly selling this country down the drain.
There's a guy been waiting in the wings all day demanding that he get to present this Joey to Haspete
Oh dear ,now that he's started up we can't seem to stop him to talking about himself.I'll have to get security to get him off the stage. .Poor old Bluesdog and Mrs Pisces are obviously upset by the interruption of this megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur ,but Blue gave him the heave ho as he was still screaming and it's on with the show.
THE CHURCHILL FOUNDATION 'we shall fight them on the beaches' Joey for eloquent oratorial impact
and the winner is ...REDBACKA ...for this
'boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom '
You absolutely dominated this award this year 'Backa through sheer shock and awe value that blew your rivals out of the water,and being true to the spirit of the great winnie . It showed amazing linguistic dexterity and complexity especially for a chartist and great restraint and subtlety by not adding a couple of extra booms .The Churchill Foundation loved it although the judges wondered whether the normally circumspect Redbacka had implanted an underlying hidden message in there somewhere.
Being such a celebrated chartist we asked Redbacka whether we should read anything deeper into his evocative language .Not hesitating for a second the great man replied " it's going parabolic ,straight up,calls on everything"
There you have it Redbacka fans, no hidden message ,read his lips ,boom boom boom boom boom boom boom
The RUPERT and JAMES MURDOCH ' Nobody told me ' Joey
in conjunction with
The DAME NELLIE MELBA ' comeback of the year '
The winner is.... wayward...
Yes , he got honoured by BiggDaddy the first day he came back and responded with this:
'If you don't like what I write that's fine, one good thing this site has is an ignore function.'
Yes,wayward had been away for so long that he took BiggDaddy seriously.( lol ) .The judges took delight in BiggDaddy then backpedalling and telling wayward he was the greatest chartist ever to appear on HotCopper in a shameless display of sycophanticism that was excruciatingly embarrassing .Great theatre guys
wayward subsequently showed himself to be no lemon allowing him to waltz away with the Dame Nellie as well .Two awards in one year is a Marlon Brando type performance from wayward but his staff can take the credit for capturing the 'Rupert and James '
BiggDaddy mightn't take the risk on you again wayward so enjoy the two majors you've snared tonight
The HAROLD HOLT FOUNDATION ' Prodigal son Please Come Home'
The lights are drawn and Pisces emerges from behind the curtains ,head bowed A hush draws over the audience as the familiar strains of "Gone too Soon" eerily waft over the crowd and a sombre looking Pisces edges towards the microphone as the charts and posts of Caylus and Dgoransson hover in the background.
' Friends ,tonight we remember those of us who we've lost on the journey this year,Caylus the enfant terrible James Dean like shooting star who emerged brilliantly and disappeared just as suddenly after gloriously shorting the world and Dgoransson the ultimate VSA expert who distinguished himself by putting up charts and speaking English at the same time ,last seen on a weekend getaway with his wife (Bluesdog and the CIB are investigating ,a subject Pisces politely avoided at this time.)
In recognition of their great achievements the Academy is launching The Harold Holt Foundation 'Prodigal Son Please come Home' Joey to any esteemed poster remembered in this ceremony who reappears .Come home Caylus and DG,we miss you '
The crowd breaks out into rapturous applause,hollering and giving a standing ovation ,they love you when you're not there any more
THE JOHN CLEESE 'Ministry of Silly walks ' Joey
for innovation in logo design and self expression in text
Like adolescents with their first taste of freedom many Xjoer's seek to individualise their posts with a logo depicting their vision of themselves or some words that generally bear no connection to anything .Quite frankly most of these really had the judges scratching their heads and the long suffering readers are inflicted with this mind bender every time the poster posts.
The judges considered Andrewfp's kid in a dunny(too vulgar),J.w.Pepper's obsession with an intellectually challenged lunatic ,Funkymonk's Batman costume,Voltaire's sad depiction of a wizened geriatric , Disco Stu's disco stats ( and your point? ) ,BigDaddy's prostrate parody of himself (terrible self esteem ), Haspete's tree( we didn't even bother asking),Enigma's ambulant homo sapiens emblazoned with what appear to be stock tickers ,Penny B Dreadfoot's close up portrait and accompanying text ( for very loving great grandchildren only ),Ceb's Babushka's ( another chin scratcher that one ), Stockplaya's opera house ( pertinence unknown ),and thesnowyforest who at least depicted what appears to be a lovely snowy forest (doh) .He got points for artistic merit
But the winner of the John Cleese Joey is .....yes it's our very own MoolaManic
Moola claimed this from a strong field of contenders with silly depictions because one glance was enough to send the judges into convulsions without having to immediately challenge themselves as to the meaning.
Mrs. Pisces had the casting vote and she absolutely loves a silly man in uniform
That's a rap for tonight guys,get the penguin suits off to the dry cleaners
OK all you Xjoers out there breathing a sigh of relief because you haven't been insulted yet go back on the Prozac because it's only INTERMISSION . Tomorrow we return with the bumper Christmas conclusion to the 2011 XJO 'Joey' awards .Brush off the tux, be seated early and get set for a peck on the cheek from Mrs.Pisces as maybe you are the next one to be honoured for an outstanding contribution that meets the criteria in a category determined by our generous sponsors.
In the meantime it's fairly warm in Melbourne today and the missus is taking time out to cool off at St.Kilda beach before she frocks up for tonight's show
(20min delay)