THE FRIDAY CHUCKLER™ aka: Das Chukle™ aka: none Trump bans...

THE FRIDAY CHUCKLER™
aka: Das Chukle™
aka: none


Trump bans transgender people from becoming orange draft-dodging hypocrites with mad hands



Comedy President Donald Trump has made a new arbitrary and stupid proclamation to prevent transgender people from becoming orange draft-dodging hypocrites with mad hands.
It follows his previous arbitrary and stupid proclamation that transgender people are no longer able to serve in the armed forces.
For reasons best known to the American people, orange draft-dodging hypocrites with mad hands are now considered appropriate to lead their country, meaning that the President’s stance could have serious implications.
“The President feels that transgender people are a minority that he can push around to boost his own fragile ego and make him feel like a big man,” said White House communications director and 1980s Bond villain henchman Anthony Scaramucci.
“So, he’s going to poke his nose into their business and pick on them for a while for no good reason at all until he finds another minority to be mean about – the Amish, perhaps.”
However, transgender man Simon Williams was sanguine about the announcement.
“Yeah, I would be surprised if there was any ambition within the transgender community to become orange draft-dodging hypocrites with mad hands – or any other community, for that matter.”
Despite Mr Trump’s decision to ban transgender people from becoming orange draft-dodging hypocrites with mad hands or serving in the military, he still appears to be fine with creepy sex-pests holding high-office.


Starting BBC salary for female Doctor Who less than male trainee Dalek



The new female Doctor Who has kicked up a shitstorm after discovering her starting BBC salary will be substantially less than a male Dalek fresh out of RADA.
Following the BBC’s decision to publish a list of high-profile salaries, the newly-regenerated Jodie Whitaker blamed a culture of sexism extending throughout the galaxy.
After looking at the small print on her contract, Whitaker is also seeking legal advice over a clause that mentions ‘basic tardis cleaning duties’.
Whitaker said, “Trainee Dalek sixty grand and a bonus for stairs? Males need only apply!
“Then you’ve got the Cybermen – they’re on about fifty grand with Gallifrey weighting. Plus time and a half for Saturday mornings. They were only in it once!”
BBC spokesman, Simon Williams, said, “We inserted that cleaning clause at the eleventh hour. After twelve male occupants, the tardis is a right old mess. Jelly baby wrappers everywhere..”
But Whitaker hit back, adding, “I don’t remember Peter Davidson’s beautiful companion getting down on her hands and knees – at least – not for cleaning duties.”
Meanwhile, Williams defended the new Doctor’s measly salary, telling reporters, “Her starting salary might look small, but like the tardis, it’s actually a lot bigger than you think it is.”
He added, “Anyway, Peter Davidson might have been a shit Doctor, but he was guaranteed not to get up the duff and go on maternity leave for twelve months.”


Bieber Cancels World Tour Citing Unethical Conditions: “I Had To Listen To Justin Bieber Songs Every Night For Months”

By The Shovel on July 25, 2017


Justin Bieber says a work contract which forced him to listen to truly appalling music night after night was unreasonable and unethical, and he will now pull out of the contracted world tour.
As part of the world tour – which has already lasted 18 months – Mr Bieber was required to listen to an hour and a half of absolutely abysmal music every night and dance along in time. Bieber’s lawyers called it ‘a peculiar and unusually harsh requirement. “Quite simply it’s inhumane,” they said.
The star himself said he never would have agreed to the tour if he had known he would be subjected to the ear-splitting torture of Justin Bieber songs for such an extended period.
Bieber’s fans around the world cried and screamed when they heard the news, unconsciously recreating the atmosphere of a Justin Bieber concert.