Johnnie-no-balls-Howard went duck hunting in rural Stoneville, NC.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As Johnnie-no-balls climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
Johnnie-no-balls responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you're not coming over here."
Little Johnnie-no-balls became indignant & said, "I 'm the Prime Minuscule of Australia and if you won't let me get that duck, I'll get Reith onto you!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Stoneville. We settle small disagreements like this with the Mertens Three Kick Rule."
Little Johnnie-no-balls asked, "What is the Mertens Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
Minuscule John quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the lawyer. His first kick planted the toe of his steel-capped work boot into John's groin and dropped him to his knees 'cause little Johnnie had no balls. His second kick to the midriff sent Johnnie's last meal gushing from his mouth. The Little PM was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh, steaming, stinking cow pat.
Johnnie summoned every bit of his will and somehow managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his silk suit jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
