31.5c Gap is now Closed :-), page-85

How about something along the lines of:

"Dear ASIC,

I put my money in the greatest company in the history of everything ever. After buying, the share price didn't go up immediately. This is not acceptable as in the stock market there should only be winners. Therefore I would like you to investigate the obvious manipulation of the share price by a group of Boogeymen. I have no evidence of anything but my wife is making me sleep in the dog's house (literally) until I get our money back. So I demand action. If you don't act I will huff and puff further on a forum called Hotcopper until I get 30 thumbs ups. You've been warned.

Thanks
Big stupid shareholder (who believes in Boogeymen)."