THE HOLY CHUCKLER™ White House aides sweating as Trump attempts...

THE HOLY CHUCKLER™


White House aides sweating as Trump attempts to pronounce ‘Niger’ on live TV



Following a deadly attack in Niger in which three US soldiers died, White House officials are bracing themselves for President Trump’s televised comments on the matter.
With Trump expected to address reporters later today, he has reportedly received an extensive briefing from his chief-of-staff John Kelly about the incident, mostly about how to pronounce the name of the West African country correctly.
White House spokesperson Sarah Sanders confirmed, “After last month’s fiasco in which the President accidentally said ‘Nambia’ instead of an actual African country – Namibia? Zambia? Who knows? – we will not be taking any chances this time.
“We’ve gone over it several times in the hope that he won’t accidentally spew out the kind of language he probably would have used a lot in the company of his old friend and former KKK boss David Duke.
“But when it comes to it, it’ll be a case of just hoping for the best and getting ready to cut quickly away from him and onto something less controversial, like the NFL. Hang on, that’s no good either.
“Oh heck. Let’s just hope he thinks it’s called Nigel.”


Comedy writers unsure where to even begin with Theresa May’s speech



Comedy writers nationwide have been left stunned and unsure where to even begin poking fun at Theresa May’s Conservative Party Conference speech.
Faced with such a cornucopia of choice, many have been left staring open-mouthed at video feeds from Manchester like rabbits in headlights, torn between which direction to run in.
Simon Williams, writer for a popular satirical website, summed up the dilemma: “Do I go with the constant coughing? That’s 300 words right there.
“Or the fact that someone handed her a P45 halfway through? Bloody hell, slow down…
“Or maybe the bit when the message on her backdrop literally started falling apart? So many metaphors in that.
“I mean, for Pete’s sake, the ‘F’ fell off. ‘F’ off!
“Then there’s the fact that she was wearing a bracelet of Frida Kahlo. Frida Kahlo? She was a communist! She had an affair with Trotsky!
“Or maybe I just go with ISIS claiming responsibility for the whole debacle?”
Williams then crawled under his desk and began rocking back and forth when he realised that he hadn’t even got on to what the Prime Minister actually said yet.


Six-year-old boy wearily sits down confused parents to explain transgender issues



Six-year-old Jake Williams has sat his parents down to try explaining the confusing topic of gender fluidity for the seventeenth time.
Williams says he is dismayed that the confusion of his parents is in danger of bringing further embarrassing press coverage on his family.
Jake told us,”The school explained it to me, and I understood straight away and then got on with my day, so it’s my duty to explain it to my confused parents at home who are, admittedly, quite slow at understanding this kind of stuff.
“I lost an entire weekend this summer explaining to my dad how planes stay in the sky, but I would have thought this concept was pretty straight forward.
“Some boys feel like girls, and some girls feel like boys – that’s how the school explained it to me, and to be honest, that was all I needed. Eleven words and it made perfect sense to me. I hoped it would be the same for my mum and dad, but I was wrong.
“It’s strange, it seems like a simple concept like this should be easy to just accept and move on with your day, but they had loads of questions and kept saying it was ‘just wrong’.
“They have difficulty with this, yet they had no trouble at all believing a story about a talking snake who tricked a woman into eating an apple that made me, thousands of years later, a sinner from birth. No questions about that at all. It’s very strange.”
Williams’ parents have defended their confusion, telling us, “Boys should be boys, and girls should be girls. That’s just common sense, right? Other people should be forced to live their life precisely how I want them to live it.
“Oh, and never, ever, listen to talking snakes. Especially if it’s not clear whether it’s a boy snake or a girl snake.”