I believe your post was directed at me. I do apologise; I had no intention of hurting anyone. I got sucked into reading these posts, as two of my kids have problems in this area; have spent hours typing submissions, letters, etc. on behalf of one partner etc. etc. I myself am far from being in the cosy relationship you talk about, I lost my husband 17 years ago very suddenly, due to a heart attack and it was the biggest shock of my life. It was a life-changing, to me even life-threatening tragedy; he was a pretty wonderful and creative human being and we had just eased into a long-time good relationship with lots of things to look forward to when death changed everything. I also know about unjust loss of money, so believe me, I can relate to all your pain here.
Money, really, isn't everything; health, mental stability, good relations with the world around you, above all the ability to enjoy just 'being' are so much more important. Of course 'no money at all' or living on $1.00 per day cannot even be contemplated by most of us. I am assuming none of you are this unfortunate.
The big hurdle we as humans have to overcome is, that we assume when 'I' feel something, the other person or persons must feel the same. This is a total fallacy and leads to all kinds of misunderstandings. I have probably assumed this in my posts as well - because I have personally overcome some pretty heavy stuff, I am assuming everyone on here can do the same.
I am generalising again, I apologise - but no discussion is possible without it.
Feminism: I agree that especially nowadays, it should withdraw a little and grow old gracefully, but it was necessary; women really did have it tough and still do. Also some clever scientists invented 'The Pill' and other contraceptive devices without which the feminist message would have had no effect whatsoever. The best we can all do with feminism is, accept its positive messages and ridicule the extremes.
Now lets look at nature with the insight of Darwin:
Women being this and that; - 'ratlike cunning' one poster said - well I wish I had that at times .... What you all forget is that we are in this race of life together. I have a dog, she is female, but she behaves in many ways exactly as a male dog would; if anything she is a little smarter and more circumspect, but not as strong as the male of her species. Dogs are pack animals, they rear their young within the pack. Females who rear their cubs on their own, like a tigress or a she-bear need to have all the cunning and skill of the male of her species to provide food and protection and later training to their offspring.
Lesson: Nature's law is one of allowing competition to produce the best and most efficient to survive in order to procreate, whether male or female, whether human or bear or tiger. So it's no use moaning that women are sneaky etc. etc. ad nauseum; that's what their individual DNA makes them; you'll also find some who are generous, loving and giving.
Believe me, not just women, but plenty of men are manipulative, false and sneaky. I know women who finished up with nothing after their husbands left them for another. I know of one man who already contemplated leaving the marriage and accepted the 'gift' of $250 000 from his in-laws. He left half a year later and never returned the money. I know of one woman who worked her butt off so her husband could go and study to become an architect. He met another woman (also studying architecture) at university and when he finished, divorced his wife; there were no children and no property (by virtue of one wage only) so no alimony or compensation of any kind.
Lawyers and Family Court Judges: I have had some experience through my work and my kids, and, yes, the dice is loaded in favour of Mum, yet a good lawyer can help. If the deed is done, and you want change it's pretty difficult (I have observed this close-up, but won't say more, this is a public forum) and unfair for both the Ex and a new partner they may have. This needs to change. Some Family Court Judges (and some Judges!) shouldn't be in this profession at all. Don't know what we can do about this.
Society as you call it, is supportive if you manage to surround yourself with a good circle of friends or people who are having the same problem as yourself. Larger society doesn't give a damn about anything much I should think, it's the macro climate we build around ourselves which helps us get through life.
Pretty unhelpful, sorry, and I am sorry for anyone who wants to have access to their children and cannot get it. When watching the news about yet another abused family or child, there is often a male involved who is not the real father and I do wonder how long it will take for the lesson that you don't leave the father of your children and introduce another, often questionable male into your life, to sink in?
Yet 'real' fathers and sometimes mothers are able to harm their children; again Darwin's Law - they weren't really fit enough to procreate and their poor children pay the price.
A forum like this cannot solve problems, but it can bring them out into the open and it gives people a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk. I should not have opined here, just got a bit upset about the sometimes offensive anti-women stance shown on here.
And more 'fluffy' advice: you owe it to yourself to be as happy as you can, and show your children a good time when you get to see them. Be careful with money because that can turn them into manipulative monsters, so better become creative in your choice of 'good times'.
