1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR. Take more than 3
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION. It's not an organisation
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES? Some have evolved but some people less so and we have all sorts to the point some people are more like apes and monkey's
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE. Seriously you still believe in Santa?
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE. I doubt it
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS? What the point of that question?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP? No
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION? No, it's still suicide
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM? No
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?" Boating
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT? Take a photo or video, that would be a rare moment
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES? Suppose so
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK? No
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION TOILETS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM? It's so non authorised people don't use them
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED? It would not be a turtle, the shell is part of the animal. It's not like a hermit crab
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS? They could
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT? Yes, Mutes can hear
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES? It's just a standard key pad
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS? Those signs indicate deer cross in that proximity
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD? The Wheel
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. True
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
(This one took me a minute) It's a cartoon
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY? Expect not
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR? When two states go to war
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO? I expect not and it's not common for them to drown
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY? If the serving is big enough I expect not
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
Succeed to fail
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT? Don't know
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"? Because they are not
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM? Killing tourist or any person for that matter is murder
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM? Because it goes off
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED? Yes
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD? No, most acts of god can't be insured against
34. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY', THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND? So non blind people don't take their dogs in
