a few funny one liners

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Barbie is not a slut- her legs don't open

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell*BINGO*!

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration


What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, only one's coming and one's going!

Q. What is the difference between Medium and Rare?
A. 6 inches is medium 8 inches is rare


Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Inland Revenue: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner