I always wonder if they pay you guys or if it's just, like,...

I always wonder if they pay you guys or if it's just, like, trolling. I could see it either way. Here, let me just throw these back out with the same amount of due diligence you've invested:

'Hahahaha... there is no way this is bad news now.'

'If it was bad news, they would have gotten it out of the way quickly and quietly to avoid drawing attention to it by stopping their trading for umpteen freaking days' (because putting an exclamation mark on your stock for over two weeks is not a great way to minimise the impact of bad news)

'Spending more time to maximise the impact of the good news. To the moon.'

And why are these gnashing negatives all within several minutes of each other? Nothing weird happening there.

I'm all for pessimism, but there's nothing behind these statements and they are maximum sus. If there's anything bad coming out of this, it's not written into the clouds we're pretending are faeries and dragons - nor is there anything good. Probably there's not much at all except for the fairly routine hum-drum of announcements that we've more or less come to expect.