Xantippe Resources Appendix 5b highlights – a parody
***sound of chairs moving and throats clearing, corks being removed from bottles of Catena Zapata Estiba Reservada, while soft giggles escape from OFs finest Argentinian models. Waiters harass the BOD silently about their order as they point at the three page, twenty course menu***
Ahem, Xantippe Resources Limited (ASX:XTC or otherwise known as $¯¯) is pleased to announce the following quarterly activities;
. We need more money and seek a CR. The trough aint cheap, investors, so kindly cough up to guarantee us at least a few more wrinkle-free, olympic pool, mink fur, on-call BJ years. *poke poke* We might use some of the money towards expanding our questionable footprint, however this will rely heavily on due diligence towards escorts without STI and whether mates own land near ours.
. We have decided to consolidate the shares. This came about after a game of Dungeons and Dragons during a board meeting, after which we rolled a few die and multiplied them together. Our eyes glazed over at this fateful result, of 200:1, as the likely inevitable decline in value would add a solid 5 years at the trough. It all hinges on the above *poke poke*.
. A drill hole, historically tested, was tested again. At our expense. Maybe they got it wrong. Its South America dude, can they even add up?
. We have decided to add more friends to the trough. Its been a tough decision, what with them asking, begging, pleading for inclusion of the free money, but weve narrowed down a few mate….candidates.
SOUTH AMERICA
. Something we told you before, we are telling you again. Pay attention.
. Using data from ages ago, we are republishing it. We needed to flesh the report out somehow.
. Mr P looked at the old drill cores and found them to suck. Just sludge, left in an esky. South America dude, do they even know how to store samples? Whoopsie. Gotta ‘use funds’ to look at the same thing again. Also, for the benefit of Mr Keyte, there will be a show tonight, on trampolines.
. Mr P doesn’t know what to do. Not like he was employed for this particular role or anything.
. But! We have increased our expenditure footprint by opening offices in Catamarca and buying all new ergonomic chairs and adjustable desks and latest Windows PCs for …well, streaming OF auditions. We cant do any Xantippe work, can we, we got no results or progress! This office has ‘nearology’ to government buildings, so we can take comfort in that, as it worked so well for us in the past. Costs a bit though, being in the CBD. *poke poke*
WESTERN AUSTRALIA
. In the OZ where its harder to pull the wool, we had to do some drillholes. Youll be pleased to know we saved 40% potential costs after surrendering it. 23 down to 14 blocks sounds like a saving in our books, so well done lads.
CORPORATE
. Mr I quit. While I appreciate this is a loss to all of us, he simply stated that his bags could no longer hold his remuneration as the seams were starting to go. Idiot, using fabric tote bags. Mr B has since stepped in and assured the board that he has rolls of bin liners from bunnings waiting to take up the excess, perhaps even selling a few to colleagues once the CR is approved.
(20min delay)