In fake news today, representatives from thePharmaceutical Guild of Australia and their major General Practice distributionchannel, are unified in their call for assistance from the Federal Government due to an unsustainable and unprecedented demand for medical grade Lithium.
According to the reports, patients are lining up for kilometresjust to get a script for the in-demand drug. Pharmacists, have had to install special safes and employ overnight security guards, to defend against a increased pattern of break-ins as the price of product has exponentially increased by over ten thousand percent in the last week alone.
The police are at a loss to explain the motivationsbehind the dramatic occurrences of late, but a spokesperson has volunteered thatthey are following a potential lead with links to some rEVolutionary splinter groupfrom a larger organisation calling themselves “Hot Copper”.
According to the Deputy Non-Commissioner of NSW Police“We’re not exactly sure what this faction’s core belief system is, but giventheir investment history we have strong reasons to believe that they are inherently involved in long-term sadomasochism.”
The crisis is growing out of control and the effectsare being felt across the entire country, with massive hikes in thecost of Pilbara accommodation reported as medical manufacturers desperately seek tosecure near-term supply of the base materials required. Locals are also demanding immediate action by the Government and calling for a Royal Commission into outback hotel ownership, given the recent buying spree, which has been allegedly led by a Chinese state-owned hotel and accommodation consortium.
