it's difficult to understand his psychology
one can understand the ego, the cruelty, the barbaric killings, the total disrespect and the sheer atrocity of it
the beautiful own goal isn't that clear though. Never is with some mental cases.
he might actually believe in his fantasy of he the hero, or he might have guilty and want to get caught - to confirm something that's followed him all through life
'everything I had ever is always torn away from me'
there's plenty of that around
look to the sparks in life - there will always be a reason for them to be shining. Normally a lacking or fear - always a confirmation
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