Sarcophagus request:
for as long as I remember I have this memory of my birth, when it came about I don't know I suspect from the moment of birth and it has always stayed with me as a memory. Why I say this is because I have no recollection of when I remembered,its as if I have always had it in me the memory that is. now here's the interesting part it's not just a memory, I recall it like it happend a moment ago always have, it's never left me and it feels as real as waking up in the morning.
i remember the feeling of how it felt in the womb a deep warmth, peacefulness, natural state, no thought a deep love, like being held or caressed by your mother or one you love and loves you, a state of no thought s, just being and being content in being, a state of no pain, mental or physical, like jumping in a comfortable bed after having a long stressfull and physically exhausting day, " that ahhhhhhhh moment of rest and peace" like a state of bliss added with a loving warmth and a sense of comfort and belonging. There's no other place u would rather be, sometimes I think about how people say you have peace once you pass away, I always go back to that feeling in the womb and it's total peaceful and blissful. I also get the feeling of a deep love hard to explain like it's there and you can feel it but you can't pinpoint from where it's coming it just is.
Im sry if I havnt done such an important moment justice I struggle to find words that can explain it, words definitely don't do it justice and it's not something I openly talk about, so again I apologise for the injustice.
On to the next part: i then remember being pulled out, i remember some struggle, it was violent to a degree, I was being forced against my will although I was unaware of what was happening I remember not wanting to leave that warmth and peace,anything out of the womb felt foreign. Then I was exposed to the world, very bright and cold. my senses all came to life, it was like being thrown in a cold bath on a hot day, an awakening to the world, like bright lights in your face on a dark night. I didn't want to be there or more so that I didn't understand what it was I was being thrown into, again it felt very foreign not frightening I don't recall being afraid just exposed and overwhelmed. If I think about it it's was a pure state of awareness one we lose as we get older caught up in our thought desires wants fears identitys and so on. It felt like I was exposed to the world and seing it for what it was although it didn't feel it to be the ideal place I much preferred the womb it did feel like it was a necessity or more so something I needed to face. Like having to go to school for the first time.
Because I have always carried the feeling of the womb I have carried this deep sense of peace, relaxed, not bothered by much, laid back so to speak demeanour. from a young age the things that school friend worried about, I didn't. Didn't have much fear, meaning fear of physical or verbal violence, fear of rejection and to some degree fear of death. Was friends with all groups at school I started to realise I wasn't passing any judgment towards race colour ideals or to ignorance. I never belonged to any group but was friends with all of them. I discovered it was fear of rejection and to some degree ignorance that caused people to group up with others also the fear of not knowing. that deep sense of peace and care freeness has stayed with me all my life. Have been questiond many a times on how and why I'm so relaxed.
fast forward to the age of 14 years old I had the unfortunate time I having to watch my mother Pass away in my arms after considerable effort to resuscitate her, left me traumatised for a short period, then one night I saw iwas laying on the couch and I saw a large Cristalized figure hovering above me, it was clear large with a tinge of blue and I could hear what was like thousands of crystals touching each other, it like it was serving to awaken me through my dark times. I then looked around the room and everything felt alive the whole room come to life my awareness was at its peek I could hear and see much more, I remember looking at the tree out the window what seemed like hours in awe of its beauty. I switched the TV on and the acting was atrocious, sun un real fake try hard, from the moment on I learned to live in the moment, my awareness increasesd and the deal peace and warmth hasn't left me. why I don't know but I do see many around me worrying a lot, caught up in there headspace, suffering in there own degree because of there fears desires ideals, ignorance arrogance. Took me a long time to deal with my frustration towards others that's when compassion for others came to the fold now I help when I can.
thankyou.....
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