Tim Blair has published his annual predictions for the new year. Some selected quotes:
January. The Ten Network begins a new tradition by ignoring Australia Day. In response, Australians continue a much longer tradition by ignoring the Ten Network.
February. Sydney University students are surprised when broadcaster Lisa Wilkinson enrols for a unit of basic first year media law.
April. President Joe Biden attends a prize-giving ceremony at the southern US border for the 25th millionth unlawful crossing under his watch. The lucky illegal alien is Hernandez Bolo, an 18 yo fentanyl mule from Jaurez, Mexico.
June. A plan by Teal MP's to perform as the Spice Girls in Canberra's Midwinter Ball is abandoned after all of them demand to be Posh.
July. Following the longest-ever welcome to country ceremony, a seven-hour epic in Darwin that saw 12 attendees admitted to hospital, the welcome is officially abbreviated to a single word, easily understood by all Australians: "G'day."
September: Having run out of actual Australian history to plunder, Peter FitzSimons's latest book is an entirely fictional account of a pre-settlement Australian people who built cities, highways and bridges. The book, Infrastructure Dreaming, is pulped following Dark Emu author Bruce Pascoe's successful copyright lawsuit.
December. "Once again, these are not blackouts," announces Energy Minister Chris Bowen following the latest east coast electricity outage of 2023. "These are spontaneous third world awareness and solidarity events - and you're welcome."
