>The wife's been hinting she wants something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots. > Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages. Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup. > My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. > Anyone got an owner’s manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise! > My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me. > My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason. >Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her make up. > My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface. > After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
