>
> *QUOTES FROM BRITISH MILITARY ANNUAL STAFF APPRAISALS:*
>
> *
> **
> *1. His men would follow him anywhere but only out of curiosity.
>
> 2. I would not breed from this Officer.
>
> 3. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.
>
> 4. This Officer can be likened to a small puppy - he runs around
> excitedly, leaving little
>
> messes for other people to clean up.
>
> 5. This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, more of a
> definitely won't-be.
>
> 6. When she opens her mouth it seems only to change whichever foot was
> previously in there.
>
> 7. Couldn't organise 50% leave in a 2-man submarine.
>
> 8. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire
> satisfaction.
>
> 9. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
>
> 10. Technically sound but socially impossible.
>
> 11. The occasional flashes of adequacy are marred by an attitude of
> apathy and indifference.
>
> 12 When he joined my ship this Officer was something of a granny;
> since then he has aged considerably.
>
> 13. This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from
> port to port, and my
>
> officers to carry him from bar to bar.
>
> 14. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope, always spinning
> around at a
>
> frantic pace but not really going anywhere.
>
> 15. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom and has started to
> dig.
>
> 16. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
> achieve them.
>
> 17. He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.
>
> 18. This Officer should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.
>
> 19. In my opinion this pilot should not be authorised to fly below 250
> feet.
>
> 20. The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship.
>
> 21. Couldn't organise a woodpecker's picnic in Sherwood Forest.
>
> 22. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
> in a trap.
>
> 23. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
>
> 24. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train isn't coming.
>
> 25. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
>
> 26. If he were any more stupid he'd have to be watered twice a week.
>
> 27. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
>
> 28. If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean.
>
> 29. It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000other sperm.
>
> 30. A room temperature IQ.
>
> 31. Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
> together.
>
> 32. A gross ignoramus,143 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
>
> 33. He has a photographic memory but has the lens cover glued on.
>
> 34. He has been working with glue too long.
>
> 35. When his IQ reaches 50 he should sell.
>
> 36. This man hasn't got enough grey matter to sole the flip-flop of a
> one legged budgie.
>
> 37. If two people are talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
>
> 38. One-celled organisms would out score him in an IQ test.
>
> 39. He donated his body to science before he was done using it.
>
> 40. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
>
> 41. He's so dense light bends around him.
>
> 42. If brains were taxed he'd get a rebate.
>
> 43. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
>
> 44. Takes him 1½ hours to watch 60 minutes.
>
> 45. Wheel is turning but the hamster is long dead.
