If your ringing because the company has made false promises press 1
If your call is related to the stock being ramped , press 2
If your call is about what happened to the $90m in cash , press 3 now.
If your call is about the 'posters' of peter Malone in bus shelters, press 4
If your call is about insiders selling into any price move, press 5.
If your call relates to the $1.5m cash surplus per mth announcement thats made every month, press 6.
If your call is about the $4 per share raising at the top of the stock boom , preventing you from selling, press 7.
If your call is about weather or not Xhinua news agency really exists, press 8.
If your call is because...Your share holder wealth has melted so much you need to eat out of garbage bin for the rest of your life, please hold and your call will be answered by Peter Malone himself....and we know he never returns calls right?
Newtel's ASX call center has recently upgraded a few caller options for your convenience.
If you think peter Malone is an alien, press 9
if you cry between 6 and 8 hrs every day since you bought the stock, press 10
If your depressed beyond your wildest dreams, don't bother pressing any button at all.
If your believe that the company is part of a satanic colt, press 666
If you put all the members of your family into the stock at $4, buy more now and average down, or press the help button on your phone.
If you know that the company is an elaborate CIA plot designed to take money out of the hands of the share holders and scatter it to the wind, press 11.
If you feel it would have been better to simply set fire to you money with lighter fluid, press all the above buttons at once. We at the ASX welcome all share holder enquires and our quick response team will spring into action and forget you ever called. Thank you for pressing buttons with the ASX.
